Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!