I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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You smell just like my mom...

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!