Nice legs what time do they open

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!