-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -152

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +118

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

You allergic to semen?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -60

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

thumb_up thumb_down -80

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

thumb_up thumb_down +33

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!