One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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adam burdass

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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