Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!