M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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You allergic to semen?

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!