*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!