Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!