You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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"Don't scream"

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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I have no gag reflex.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!