-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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"You'll do."

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Drink this!

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!