Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!