Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!