Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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-hey, come here a minute.

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I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!