- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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You smell just like my mom...

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!