"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

thumb_up thumb_down +42

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -26

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +51

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

thumb_up thumb_down +138

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +48

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

thumb_up thumb_down

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

thumb_up thumb_down -146

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!