Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

Put the lotion on the skin!

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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