To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

thumb_up thumb_down -106

your boobs are bigger than my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

thumb_up thumb_down -21

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -115

Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -72

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

thumb_up thumb_down -15

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!