Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +38

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

thumb_up thumb_down -34

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

thumb_up thumb_down -98

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

thumb_up thumb_down -119

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

thumb_up thumb_down -48

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -80

GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

thumb_up thumb_down +159

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!