-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!