Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!