that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

Put the lotion on the skin!

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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