You allergic to semen?

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!