- Anti-Pickup Line

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: sparkly eyes So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... steps to whisper in her ear ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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