guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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Hello children! :D

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!