Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!