Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!