GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!