M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!