Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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I'll eat your poop

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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