Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!