What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!