- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... yawn Zzzzzzzmooth...

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book