Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!