"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!