why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -11

WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -31

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

I'll eat your poop

thumb_up thumb_down +4

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

haha

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

thumb_up thumb_down -81

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!