Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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will you marry me

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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free candy....

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!