Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!