Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!