I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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you look like my mother

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!