he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

ANYWAY... I have been married for around X years right? (My wife is anon because reasons valid reasons!) And I told my wife "Babe, you know what you got married into baby, how about you and I consider having a third one in the bed... No not a guy, thats disgusting, you agree? Awwride! So anyways, she was like "Uh... Ask me again in a year I need to think things trough, and I want you for myself..." Next week we was fucking my new (back then neighbor) which is 28 or whatever (I dont remember my neighbors name BAHAHA (actual laugher)... Peeps, say what you want about me, ill be the one fucking the prom queen tomorrow... And you know, maybe someone else, sex with more than my waifu the prom queen is addictive, I mean sharing (salive, cum juices) is caring right? Okay, I better stop here, Rebecca (SHADDAP AUTOCORRECT ITS HOW HER NAME IS SPELLED... I guess) is upset... No not because I am typing this, but because I am out here freezing my ballz off smoking her ciggs... Man The great stuff about "decent equipment" is that I dont need all that much energy, just the speed to keep the girls screaming!

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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