when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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will you marry me

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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my dick is 2 inches

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!