I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

my dick is 2 inches

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

You smell just like my mom...

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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