my dick is 2 inches

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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You smell just like my mom...

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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-Do you like me? -No

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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-I love you.

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!