You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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greetings clarisse...

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!