Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -152

Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

thumb_up thumb_down -169

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

thumb_up thumb_down -78

I love Mark Wahlberg!

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +165

How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

thumb_up thumb_down -116

Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

thumb_up thumb_down +141

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +127

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -55

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

thumb_up thumb_down +121

WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +144

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!