Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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