Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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who wants to play EPAR

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!