I'm your Edward and your my Bella

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

Get in the van.

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

why are you you touching me ????

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!