Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

greetings clarisse...

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Welcome to DIE!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

thumb_up thumb_down -66

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

thumb_up thumb_down +173

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Lesbihonest

thumb_up thumb_down -125

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

thumb_up thumb_down -2

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -146

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!