How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!