hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

thumb_up thumb_down +27

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Does it smell in here or it just you?

thumb_up thumb_down -124

"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

thumb_up thumb_down +163

- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

thumb_up thumb_down +110

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Hello, it's nice to meet you.

thumb_up thumb_down +229

Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +120

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

thumb_up thumb_down +77

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

thumb_up thumb_down +102

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -63

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

thumb_up thumb_down +185

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +82

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +139

A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!