How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Want to go out? No

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Stop Footing Around

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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sound of zipper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!