Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Want to go out? No

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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sound of zipper

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Stop Footing Around

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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I've got candy.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!