My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!