"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!