How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

thumb_up thumb_down

Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +125

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Stop Footing Around

thumb_up thumb_down +86

At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +182

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +90

-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

thumb_up thumb_down +217

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +49

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -74

He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!