Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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nice kid... want another?

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!