Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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my dick is 2 inches

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I have a gun.

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!