Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down +1

At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

thumb_up thumb_down -69

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +135

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +43

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Hey wanna smash pissers?

thumb_up thumb_down -158

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -115

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Stop Footing Around

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +87

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +167

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!